Yep, she's back on the scene, and boy is it ugly out there...I believe that as we get older, understand who we are, and become "whole," it begins to be increasingly difficult to find our "other half."
When I was 14, all it took for me to accept a date was that he was "cute," and QB of the football team. Nevermind that he would become the guy who continually cheated on me, got in fights, and tried every chemical that came his way. When I was 17 all it took was that he was "older," drove a tracker, and had great pool parties every night in the summer. Nevermind he would become the guy who was still tossing the football with his buddies, living in his parents' basement, and wearing his highschool football jersey when he's 24. When I was 19, all it took was that he was 6'7'' with dimples, could tutor me in math, and was tenaciously persistent....never mind that he would become the guy that spent Saturday nights yelling at 13 year old Korean boys across the internet as he played "Call to Action," and slept in until 2 in the afternoon every day...
As you get older, you become more versed in who you are. You start to know, maybe not as much about what you do want, but definitely what you don't.
"Daniel" was a guy who was quite persistent in his pursuit of me on match.com. In fact, he was the impetus for "Kat Malandrino." He would wink and email, 
saying things like "I figure if I keep writing, one of these days you will have to write back." Me, being in the midst of a break up and wanting to keep my mind busy, finally relented. I wrote back and told him to give me a call. About four seconds later, my phone rang...Apparently, men can be really efficient when they want.
Daniel and I spoke about everything from the greatness of Chicago (his home town) to the importance and necessity of chemistry and why his last relationship failed for lack of it. He was very complimentary and seemed at ease with communicating and articulating what he meant. After about an hour and a half of conversation, he began describing his sexual preferences. Now, what he described wasn't anything abnormal. What I did find abnormal, was the fact that this stranger was telling me about his erotic likes and dislikes on our first phone conversation. I have never shaken his hand at this point, and he's describing in detail, what turns him on in the bedroom?
I expressed that I felt it was a bit soon, and did not want this to turn into a phone sex call. He digressed and explained that the last girl he dated, they got on really well. Yet, after a while of dating, learned that she definitely wasn't in to what he wanted and they split up...Chalk it up to my academic training, or just being a woman- I did not want him to feel unaccepted. I told him I understood and thanked him for being so open and honest with me. However, I explained, that women need to have some sort of emotional connection with a person. They can't just be that intimate on a phone conversation and divulge their every sexual whim right out of the gates. I also told him that I was in a relationship for several years where the person was so obsessed with sex that I could not change in front of him, or it would be considered "teasing." We had to go to therapy to work on my "low libido." Meanwhile his porn sites were categorized by folder and he would write ten page fantasy scenarios in his spare time. I told him that I was a bit leary of someone who talked about their sexual preferences from the start, because of this.
He seemed to understand and the conversation took a turn for the better. He told me how refreshing it was to speak with "someone with a brain," and that he was looking forward to "our second date" on Saturday. Three hours later, we ended our call, and I too was a bit excited about meeting this person I spoke so freely with on Saturday. Still, something was off. Friday approached and I received a text "what kind of wine do you like?"
Bingo. This guy thought I was going to come over to his house on the first date? Not only was he a hornball, but he was also cheap...not a good combo, and a quick reminder of ghosts of datedoctor's past.
My response: "I drink vodka. What do you have in mind?"
His: "thinkin with this weather it might be nice to stay in, eat din, drink some wine or vodka in your case, watch a movie
Mine: you know...the more I have been thinking about our conversation on Sunday... I really dont think we're a good fit...I'd like to cancel our date tomorrow
His: Huh?
Mine: I think you are looking for a bed buddy and not a relationship
His: What are you talking about ?? Are joking?
His: A bit judgmental no?
His: You're misreading me completely. Forget the staying in idea.
Mine: No I dont think you understood. I'm not interested anymore.. Really don't think I'm the right person for you...Seem like you have a lot to offer someone else from our phone call.. But that someone's not me
His; "The more I think about our conversation sunday" ... You mean the 3 hour convo we both said was amazing?
Mine: yes but half was spent talking about sex...I think its inappropriate and a sign of things to come
His: Wow. You're insane
(people must think this is a real insult to psychologists???)
Mine: No need to get defensive we're just not right for each other...I wish you the best of luck
His: breaking plans the day before...kinda bipolar actually a bit disturbing to put it lightly
At this point I stopped responding, because I got my message across, and it was clear he was being defensive. Now most guys at this point, would recognize they've made a girl feel uncomfortable, back track, and explain why they thought it was a good idea to stay in. Maybe they say "I'm on a tight budget right now, but I really wanted to meet you," or they say, " I just bought this fresh fish and wanted to impress you," but they definitely don't start calling you "insane," and "bipolar."If he was like this now, I couldn't imagine what he would be like after date three...
So I cut the date off before it even started and saved myself an hour of getting ready, and two or three hours on a date with a guy that wasn't right. Its always 
funny to me when someone feels as though they've "wasted" time with an ex. The truth is, had we not invested that time with those people in our past, we'd never know who we are and what we want (or what we dont) today.
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